Day 7!

So... I skipped Day 6 on accident. I was watching One Tree Hill on DVD and lost track of time. Not to mention a horrendous paper I had to write.

Today is the seventh day. One week down. Four to go. Wowsa.

I woke up today and had some cherry/apple juice, then water while watching OTH. I made some chamomile tea with honey, had some kiwi strawberry apple juice, and more water for the rest of the day. I had even more chamomile tea later from a friend.

I'm thinking about going home and juicing some mixed fruits together.

Man do I EVER miss food! It's really hard when I watch commercials or something similar all about food. I think it's psychological, but it's REALLY hard to say no sometimes.

Blech.

Day 7!

So... I skipped Day 6 on accident. I was watching One Tree Hill on DVD and lost track of time. Not to mention a horrendous paper I had to write.

Today is the seventh day. One week down. Four to go. Wowsa.

I woke up today and had some cherry/apple juice, then water while watching OTH. I made some chamomile tea with honey, had some kiwi strawberry apple juice, and more water for the rest of the day. I had even more chamomile tea later from a friend.

I'm thinking about going home and juicing some mixed fruits together.

Man do I EVER miss food! It's really hard when I watch commercials or something similar all about food. I think it's psychological, but it's REALLY hard to say no sometimes.

Blech.

Day 5: A whole slew of nonsense

The older I grow (and I'm talking by the hour here) the more I become fully aware that I just don't fit in with my peers anymore. It's like this uncomfortable growth period that you have where you look around and discover you're the tallest kid in your class or, heaven forbid, you're the only girl with boobs. I'm sure it will go away and this is only another way to isolate myself... but ugh! The good news is the friend that I was so sad about not being friends with is now my friend again. YAY!

So today I had a lot of the white grape juice with peach. It was REALLY good. I think it was because I've been staring at my Grandmother's canned peaches and thinking "YUMMY" and this juice tasted like them. So I drank a lot of it.

I also had some herbal orange tea (times 2!) and a lot of water.

Someday I'm going to try to work back in the vegetables. I think the problem with the carrots is that I don't like the really big ones in solid form. I'll try the baby carrot juice next!

I'm a little tired, but am WAY more devoted to One Tree Hill. A coupla more episodes and I think I'll hit the hay!

Day 4: Stand Still, Look Pretty

What a long day at work. I swore it was never going to end. And with the promise of an impending blizzard that actually never came to be, I was really depressed. I thought that the mall was going to close early! No such luck, unfortunately. I did get out two hours early, but that's because our party we had scheduled got canceled in order to accomodate traveling.

96 hours. I'm over the hump for a week! I'm somewhat excited, but also a bit nervewracked. I was hungry a lot today, though I'm not sure if it was more psychological than it was physical. Things did calm down a bit inside when I managed to drink a lot of orange juice and diet sierra mist. The pop probably wasn't a good idea, but the way I figure it, it's basically carbonated water.

So, today I had some orange herbal tea by Lipton's that is absolutely divine (I like all of Lipton's herbal teas) as well as some cherry/apple juice. Then I took some more of the juice, plus ginger tea, and water to work. Longest 6 hours of my life!

I've finally realized why peole keep fasting to themselves. It's such a dramatic thing for people around me. When someone mentions it at work, all I hear is "Oh MY GOD!" Blech. That'll teach me.

In other news, I've dropped quite a bit of weight in the last few days, but that's more due to the digestive system emptying out than anything else.

Day 3: Damned Pointy-toed Shoes!

I had this brilliant idea this morning. I didn't have much time to get ready and I decided that the simplest thing to wear would be this new dress I had bought. Along with that came the fabulous pointy-toed shoes. And man did my feet ever hurt by the time I got done with work.

My life is chaotic. I'm beginning to realize that now. I'm starting to look at it and wondering what I'm going to scale back on. I know that I can't keep going at the rate I'm going. I'll eventually drive myself mad (if I'm not already there). Going from 9-5 straight around people made me want to go home and shut down. My cousins, sister, and I went to a movie at 9:40 and even that I could barely convince myself to get up for. I would probably have much rather just stayed hidden in my room. Not that those girls aren't fun, because they're a blast to be around, but I'm growing more tired of people. Especially at this point where I'm beginning to realize that a lot of faith I've instilled into people was misplaced and a lot of relationships that I poured a lot of love into weren't worth it at all.

Anyway. The Fast. I had orange juice mixed in with white grape juice. About 24 ounces, with 3/4 being white grape and the rest orange. I do love the orange juice despite warnings not to drink it! After that I managed to down 48 ounces of water. At five, I came home and used the juicer to make some juice concoction called "Taste of Heaven." It was sure a taste of something all right. I think where I went wrong on the adventure was in the fact that the recipe called for spanish onions and I used white. Yick. Very strong. Also included was one sweet potato, 2 carrots, and 2 apples. It didn't actually taste half bad in retrospect. It was pleasantly sweet at first, but then the aftertaste got to me. It went from being sweet to suddenly being able to taste the carrots and finally onion. Man did it make my stomach upset. I mixed it with some apple/cherry juice that we had, but still couldn't manage to get much of it down. I had some beef broth again, which is a habit that I need to shake. All that salt cannot be good for me at this point!

I made some apple cinnamon tea with honey for the road as we headed to go watch the movie. I was dreading the theatre. I'm a sucker for popcorn (AND for chinese food, which my sis and cous teased me earlier with by eating it in front of me. Grrr) and was worried that I wouldn't be able to resist! But, I did it! AND I managed to convince myself not to cheat in regards to drinking pop and went for the iced tea. Bonus!

I'm drinking some more water now. My stomach is sorta upset (it has a slight burning sensation) but I can't tell if it's because it's hungry or if it's upset at this point. All the better, I suppose.

72 hours down. Only 37 more days to go!

Day 2: If only these ducks had names...

I woke up incredibly tired and not very much into wanting to live. My emotions have been on a roller coaster ride lately and I can't seem to get a firm grip on them.

I'm feeling abandoned. I'm very upset with a group of people that are worried about my ups and downs, but don't decide to approach me about them. They talk among themselves as if it were no big deal and then decide it's a good time to approach me about it. "We're concerned." They say. What about the questions that used to exist in years past? "How are you, Whitney? What's going on in your life right now? Are things getting any better for you?" Of course I'm messed up right now. Thanks for showing you care by asking me about it. Gossiping is not a way to help friends. Not in this lifetime or the next.

Today, I skipped the potassium broth. I smelled it and couldn't get myself to drink it. Another day, I suppose. I *did* drink some orange juice though, undiluted. It was very yummy.

I didn't actually make any juices today. Consumed 1 green tea and 2 chamomile teas along with a bottle of white grape juice. I'll probably actually make a real juice later.

I can't wait for the day to wind down so I can go home and watch Gray's Anatomy and not have to care about things.

More later.

11:05

I totally slept through Grey's. Majorly bummed about that. I'm abot to catch up on the episodes online and then plan to watch the new one tomorrow night.

I've never been not able to be forgiven before. The thought continues to eat away at me and my heart. I've never done anything that could constitute as being so bad that people abandon me. It makes me sick to my stomach. ... That feeling could also be from the high amount of acid I just drank from the tall glass of orange juice. But it was just SO good!

I'm tired of hearing about people's negative opinions on my fasting. I think if I ever do this again I'm going to do it without anyone knowing. That's a better way to live. The bible does say to make your appearance one that no one knows what you are doing. Bringing glory to yourself is certainly a very easy way to fail at this thing, I suppose.

I drank some broth and more white grape juice earlier, then HAD to take a nap. Unfortunately, the one hour nap I intended on turned into three. I probably shouldn't have stayed up until 2 a.m.

I'm so sad right now. Sad that my best friend abandoned me. Sad that Ashton isn't here. Sad that my life isn't anywhere near normal anymore.

Day 1: Holy Vaca!

Today hasn't been so bad. My body doesn't know that it's going to be starving yet!

I started the morning off with Potassium broth. It's a alkalizer that's made from cooking potatoes, carrots, celery, and herbs together in water, then draining the water off and drinking it. Turns out if you don't stir if, you get a strong carroty taste. Tomorrow morning I'll be stirring!

I made a rather delicious concoction of apple, carrot, and orange juice. I diluted it hard core because of the high acidity in oranges, so it actually tastes like watered down orange juice, but I like it. Better than my apple/carrot disaster yesterday. I discovered the hard way that you actually probably should match apple for carrot or what you drink won't be sweet at all but REALLY carroty.

I'm drinking green tea right now... warm so that's fun. My friend suggested I freeze juice into ice cubes so that I can feel like I'm eating something. Might be an interesting solution! I'm grateful I chose to give up coffee and pop three days before this in order to get through those withdrawels. I think that on TOP of the hunger would have been REALLY bad.

The hunger pains only last for a moment and then they go away. I'm sure they'll get worse, but again, my body doesn't recognize it yet. And it actually seems to be satisfied when I drink the juices, tea, or water. So *shrug*.

With today being Ash Wednesday, services are tonight at the good ol' church. I'll attend those in fifteen minutes, then head home for the evening. One Tree Hill is on tonight! Thank God I elected to NOT fast from that! Chad Michael Murray makes me happy.

Today's been a depressing day for a variety of reasons. One being that someone I care about very deeply may not want to continue to be friends with me after I regrettably said something to him when I was angry. It's hard trying to grieve for Ashton and continue to function as a normal human being sometimes. I get a lot of things confused and wires switched around. I am truly sorry for what I said, however. It feels weird to not be forgiven for something. That's never happened to me before.

At time I honestly think I'm going crazy. My life just skips around so rapidly that I have a hard time keeping up with it. And now, I'm beginning to realize that I have a bit of a different outlook on the world. Of course, being tired from all of the old things I used to do is incredibly frustrating. I want my cape back, darn it!

I feel really lonely right now. Ugh, I don't know.

Update 10:46

I've been accused multiple times now of being up and down and virtually insane. I'm sorry that I'm not sane right now. My heart is hurting so much that sometimes I don't know what I'm doing. Maybe it IS self-fulfilling. That I keep trying to make things worse in order to make sure my heart continues to suffer. That way I don't have to deal with the fact that she's gone and never coming back. As if I could forget in the first place, but still. I don't know what to do. I know I'm angry, sad, and frustrated. And I feel alone. I can't shake that feeling overall. I feel alone in all of this like no one understands me. Or if they do attempt to understand me, they MISunderstand me. I just want this to be over. Not the fasting, but the grief.